clueless rebel

such a terrible drag!

2010-01-25T02:45:00.000-08:00

i'm a failing ,flailing human hopelessly addicted to tobacco. paradoxically i no longer want to give up smoking , what i want to do is to take up smoking . not so much to fill the little gaps between cigarettes with cigarettes (there wouldnt be time,anyway) or to smoke two cigarettes at once .it is more that i feel the desire to smoke a cigarette even when i'm smoking a cigarette. i'm not quite so inthrall to the weed as amis's creation, but i'd be lying if i told you that cigarettes dont punctuate my days and nights.

hence ladies and gentlemen the ban on smoking pisses me off!!! but then again there's a respite cuz we are stupid. since the introduction of the ban in public smoking in enclosed places two years ago( was it 2? i dun remember ,seems like stuff myths are made up off)i have been silently smirking at human hypocricy. in 2009 a short list of activities deemed officially more socially acceptable than smoking might include : playing black eyed peas "my humps" through the tiny speakers of mobile phone , or making michael jackson a sudden saint and mourning his death , eating a large lamb doner with extra chilli and garlic sauce ,open not wrapped , scientology or voting for reality shows spewened on the television.

i call this fag-ash dandyism , a variation on the theme of heroic and all consuming pointlessness found in the writing of oscar wilde - who penned in the picture of dorian gray" a cigarette is the oerfect type of perfect pleasure . it is exquisite ,and it leaves one unsatisfied . what more can one want?"adding to this i say it is a good substitue ofr ur thumb.rather a more socially acceptable habit in adulthood to suck on .(well not exaclty.. but we shall throw some light upon different acts of sucking in some other post, not in this "socially acceptable " one)

so why do i blabber about it , when a minion like me can barely bring about a change(leaving the old school thought behind , rather the obamaesque quote of change begins in you)cuz i work my ass off so that in the end of the day i can go to a shady restro have a nice cheap meal and can take a few puffs and feel a lil cool by reasserting the fact that inspite of selling my soul the entire day i'm still cool and stylish. oh no but thats a lil too muchj to ask for eh? cuz "big brother is watching you) i say why does big brother become a drag queen when it comes down to thos corporate pig heads who sit in the facy bars and eat caviear with their silver forks and smoke colossal cuban cigars . who take a bite out of their most exquisite salads and throw it away cauz its not socailly acceptable to eat a lot ?.
there are dumpsters simply brimming with leftovers and send backs, black sacks full of nummy slop, coconut pannacotta, truffle honey mozzarella california bouillabaisse and even if you mush the food together i'll bet it still tastes pretty good but then ,what of the down by luck table salt of the earth types, smelling like asparagus piss,no money no grub, little half healed cuts on their noses bridges (read ME!!!!!!)you'd think they might be allowed to lick a strand of marinated mutton fat from the inside of a bin bag ,but no beacause the nosh , even whne its been tossed out still represents the chef and they say a restaurants reputation is only equal to its clientele. so the really good restaurants have a cage , a big stel cage in the alley out the back to protect from scraps from these poor sods ,with their bellies cramping and their sunburnt eyelids and so i mean, it makes you feel terribly helpless really, forty slightly overdone scallops going to rot in a cage.
alright i think i'm really pissed off cant write anymore maybe i'll go and write a song about a lesbian seagull. groovy babey ,peace.

current status

2009-12-29T22:55:00.000-08:00

my life reminds me of this joke .. i'm like the guy who was marooned on an island with cindy crawford, and finding nobody around and no hope of getting out . cindy conceedes to having sex with me.
after our steamy session i cut cindy's hair ,make her wear my clothes so that i could tell somebody that i had sex with cindy crawford!!

in office

2009-10-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

shit bored in office.. its just 9' .. no sign of the usual degenerates. everythign hazy. should be marked radioactive or toxic after last nights events.. cant move a muscle.... NEIGHHHHHH!!!! sweet!

solution for boredom while flying.

2009-10-22T01:18:00.000-07:00

Whenever I fly, I always buy a one-way ticket. I’m not very optimistic. Here’s a game i like to play while onboard a plane:
Guess the Terrorist. It’s a bittersweet game. If you lose, you live. If you win…
Another thing I like to do when flying: Stand in the aisle and jump. If the plane is going fast enough, I can get to the bathroom in one leap. Try it.
Why I love flying: It’s the only time when you can eat in Delhi and then crap it out in bangalore.

and the question which has bothered me ever since i first travelled in a plane and still intrigues me while travelling -What does an ant think when he looks out an airplane window?

super life tips and advice for people

2009-10-20T22:42:00.001-07:00

Occasionally masturbate with your left hand.
There are three bonuses:
1) It’ll feel like you’re getting a handjob from a stranger.
2) With time, you could become ambidextrous.
3) It’ll free your dominant hand for the mouse.

more life tips and advice for people who aspire for NIFT(or who have gotten through

2009-10-20T22:34:00.000-07:00

this advice comes very strongly from me since i have gone through the teriible feeling u can only imagine of studying in the god forsaken college..i am a homophobe so i have compiled some activities fo fellow homophobes who might want to avoid.They might seem innocuous but, brother, if you don’t watch it you could be sharing quality time with elton john.

Eating bananas. What else needs to be said? You might as well be sucking cock. A rather large, delicious, potassium-filled cock. If you are a homophobe, refrain from eating or handling the big yellow fruit in any way. It only leads to fellatio.

Wiping your ass. Think about it. It’s no secret — the ass is second only to the cock in the homosexual pantheon of lovemaking. And it is my firm belief that ass-wiping is the “gateway drug” to man-on-man anal sex.

Praying. I would not advise prayer for any God-fearing homophobe. One, you’re on your knees: the so-called second position in man-on-man love. Two, you’re looking up to an omniscient, father type. Three, altar boys. It all adds up to “gay.”

Applying Chapstick. Next step, lipstick…then panties, a bra and fishnet stockings. Before you know it, you go from moist lips to lopping off your cock and calling yourself Tula. Real men, like cowboys and hobos, have dry, chapped lips.

Eating creme donuts. Cream filling strongly resembles jizz. Do yourself a favor and stick with a manly coffee roll, and forget the napkin.

back in buisness

2009-10-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

i told youi'll be back as soon as i get comfortable at office.i was also on the hunt for the bird who pooped on my brand-new shirt, and that too contributed to some time away from blogging.
Other than that, the posts should be pouring in from here on.

panic at the toilet

2009-10-20T22:04:00.000-07:00

Whenever I use the bathroom at work I panic. No, I don’t worry that I won’t make it to the toilet, or that I’m going to catch someone “peeking,” or that I’m going to slip and my mouth is going to fall on some guy’s dong. I worry that I’m going to be a victim of mistaken identity. Here’s the scenario: I walk into an empty bathroom and it reeks to high heaven, like the last guy in there had a Mexican atomic bomb drop out his ass. Then, as I’m walking out, in walks someone else, who, naturally, thinks I’m the stinky culprit. When this happens, I feel like one of those guys who spends 10 years on death row for a crime he didn’t commit. Oh, the injustice!

life tips and advice for the common man

2009-10-20T21:57:00.001-07:00

While on safari, never wear leopard print.
The absolute, surefire way of getting out of jury duty: Confess to whatever crime the defendant is accused of.
If a child asks you where babies come from, never draw a picture.
Here’s how you can save money on magazine subscriptions: Get AIDS…and then read all the magazines at the doctor’s office for free!

i'm on vacation and stuff

2009-09-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

forgot if I officially mentioned it, but I’m on vacation and stuff for like the rest of this week and next. I might have some small posts, but if you see any big posts from me that means some desperate blogger broke onto my blog and is posting as me so don’t trust those posts. I’m warning you now dun say i did not later. infact of the posts are rerally good and make sense -it means somebody else has been writing it. actually this is not a vacation ,i came down to bangalore for a job interview, got through (yayeeee) and am just waiting for the brilliant slow life. so if after a while my post seem bigger and mindless it means i joined office and have endless time on my hand .

eg of short post
exiibit A-Every cloud has a silver lining, thus silver-lined clouds are quite common and thus economically worthless. Keep waiting for the much rarer gold-lined cloud.

exibit B-Never refuse an offer of a free cup of coffee.

exibit C-If you’re being attacked by a midget, the last thing you should do is duck

chutzpah

2009-09-10T05:41:00.000-07:00

A boy who's convicted of murdering his parents and begs the judge for leniency on the grounds that he's an orphan.

untitled

2009-08-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

yeah i know .. with nothing intresting to say for a very long time i thought i'll just for the sake of making a blog entry will wirte what all i have been reading(re reading to be precise) for the last one month:

midnight children - salman rushdie
god of small things- arundhathi roy
enchantress of florence- salman rushdie
maus- art speeeeeeegalman...(whatever!!!)
collection of stories by joseph conrad
collection of stories by nirmal verma
a kickass biography of Van Gogh

yeah i know its not much but rushdie took time.. so blame him...

graduated...

2009-05-16T17:46:00.000-07:00

so fibally graduated from nift 2 days back... and what did i take in these 4 years.??? well a degree and very few baths... not that excited about graduatiing though... funny!!!

arigato!!

2009-04-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

i want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have
forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004,2005,2006, 2007 and 2008.

Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for
removing
toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected
with AIDS

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they
cause
cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to
dial a
stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to
Uganda ,
Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get
sick from
the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she
is, for
fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys
and leave
me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl
that was
about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been
7 since
1993...)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a
paid
vacation to Disneyland.

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh
Vandana,
Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..

Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!

If ORKUT deletes my account, it doesn't matter BUT PLEASE DON'T SEND me
"Orkut is
deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush..." Otherwise I'll delete my
E-Mail
account!

so dude if u dun read my blog a thousand times a day , a bird will shit on ur head everyday.

enjoy ur life!!!

predictions for today..

2009-03-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

will have beer

will have meat....

.

by now all predictions have come true

i got some "SPLAININ"to do

2009-03-25T05:23:00.000-07:00

okay i admit it .. i'm really bad at taking defeats.. no matter how much i pretend i just cant take it.. my intestines cant take it ..they start churning .. and it doesnt matter at what shit i lose .. it just happens to me..i turn into this psychotic bastard who becomes sullen.. i'm especially really bad at losing at games.. and chess oh god i just cant take it... it just feels that somebody just defeated my intelligence(which BTW i am really proud of).. i know i suck at chess,i only win from dimwits or autisitc kids.. though there have been cases where i have actually lost to them too.. but really man i cant help it .. please tell me how to control this.. and no"breathe in breathe out " shit.. genuine ways ......

I"M JACKS RAGING BILE!!

!

is this picture racist?

2009-03-25T05:02:00.000-07:00

based on ur puny lil intellect u might be tempted to say "no"

well the correct answer is "yes". because this picture implies that African-Americans(read niggers) aren’t smart enough to dress appropriately for the task at hand.

VERY insulting!!

sometimes i wonder

2009-03-25T04:21:00.000-07:00

why is that Frisbee getting bigger.?

and then it hits me..

t shirt for divya atal, anil kapoor ,akshya kumar and all the random hairy dudes i know

2009-03-25T04:18:00.000-07:00

u guys are seriously voodoo children

en garde ! touche'

2009-03-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

"What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist." –Salman Rushdie

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."
- Stephen King

i gotta pee!!!

2009-03-21T05:52:00.000-07:00

Having problems with constant urination? Is it preventing you from getting your work done on a daily basis? Are you starting to fear for your job? If so, imagine a world where you can get the hours you need, the schedule you want, and the ability to use that overactive bladder to your advantage. Put down the Detrol pills, stash away those adult diapers, and look into one of these exciting job postings that I have compiled for your viewing pleasure. I have scoured the Internet to bring you these exciting career opportunities that you may have never considered, yet be the perfect candidate for.

This interesting career option was found over on careerbuilder.com:

Firefighters Needed
Do you like helping people? If so, you should consider an exciting career in firefighting. In this fast paced and competitive discipline you will have to respond to emergency calls, get to the scene quickly and safely, and deal with snuffing out anything that happens to be on fire. You may also be responsible for operating the truck siren, which i hear is a lot of fun. As a candidate with an overactive bladder you may find yourself moving up quickly through the ranks from Firefighter to Lieutenant before you know it. It will be important that you are out on the front lines should the fire truck exhaust it’s water supply, if technical problems occur, or just in case some jerk’s station wagon is parked in front of the closest hydrant. Even if these situations present themselves, it will be comforting to all of those in your squad to know that they can depend on your overactive bladder to put out the blaze. Applicants should drink lots of fluids, and not break the seal until the appropriate time. Training classes beginning soon, no experience necessary. Apply now!

Immediate Openings Available in Medical Field
Hospitals are a busy place and you could be one step away from helping someone who is in pain. Now more than ever goans are facing an epidemic of jellyfish attacks (atleast i think so..i have been a victim people). . While i appreciate wildlife , i'm not at all happy about them assaulting locals and beachgoers in the tourist regions. they are looking for well-qualified individuals with overactive bladders to be standing by in the emergency rooms to be prepared for these attacks. It’s well known scientific fact that urine neutralizes the venom of the jellyfish helping to relieve the pain and swelling until anti-venom can be injected or until that particular body part can be chopped off. The ideal applicant should be experienced urinating on different objects. On busy days you may be required to carry a water bottle and balance the fine line between a full bladder and water intoxication. Flexible hours, benefits, fast paced environment. R. Kelly need not apply.

And finally, this interesting job choice is directly from the job board on nasa.com:

Work for NASA
Do you have an interest in the space program? Have you ever wanted to be an astronaut? Are you hoping to one day become a rocket scientist in one of our laboratories? If so, please stay in school and go study. If you’re still reading this then we at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) are seeking self motivated males and females with overactive bladders to contribute urine to our Orion Program. As you may have read, we have spent years developing a urine recycler to be installed on the International Space Station sometime in the next decade. This will convert the crewmember’s urine into clean drinkable water and make the world a greener place. We’ve spent around thirty billion in tax dollars on this thing and we are still working out some kinks, namely that whole converting urine into water part. We’ve already hosted a handful of urine drives at various places around the United States, and you have to understand how embarrassing that was. We’ve called in all our favors and have hassled our family members enough. Position is full time with full benefits and offers lots of overtime. No experience necessary. We’ll pretty much take anyone. We’re desperate. Please, we need your pee.

Good luck on your job hunt. I wish you much success.*
Remember, your overactive bladder should not keep you from doing something you love.**

The Lamborghini of Office Chairs

2009-03-21T05:31:00.000-07:00

okay news flash .. well its no news but then i havnt gone to office in a week now..i feel good about it...there's nothing wring with it right... i mean after all humans have a right to pursuit of happiness.. but then i miss office now... no turds not because i love my job but cuz i miss my office chair..

i mean I hate to be the bearer of bad news and it pains me to be so brutally honest, but occasionally things just have to be said in order to clear the air. Sometimes thoughts and emotions are just too heavy to be kept inside and if you don’t let it out, you feel as if you might explode. So here I am to relieve myself of the burden and clear my conscience once and for all. I regret to inform you, the reader, that my office chair at work is just entirely too comfortable for my own good.

seriously people i remember entering the office on my first day and scanning the place and Just when i thought i'd seen everything, i spotted a heavenly glow surrounding a lonesome high back cushioned chair across the room. At last i had found it. The one. The Lamborghini of office chairs. it was a welcoming idea at the time, as the chair that I had spent four years sitting in college resembled something similar to a bucket with wheels.
i approached it slowly, as if it were a wild animal that might spook and run for cover if i moved too quickly. As i came upon it, the glow engulfed me. i as well have just found the Ark of the Covenant. My boss invited me to sit and give my thoughts about the office. I lowered myself onto the lush cushion and immediately sank deeply into it, the chair hitting me in all the right places. The only feedback I could offer up was a contented sigh.
i decided right then and there that the chair was pure evil. i had to have it.

six month later, I still enjoy the never-ending comfort that the chair provides. Each day it’s there to give me a big comfy hug and cradle me while I sit. Lately I’ve been entertaining the notion that I might finally get around to doing some actual work.

woohooo!!!! south park returns

2009-03-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

glad to see that south park started its 13th season(i know its a lil late but i came to know about it recently).. so the first 2 episodes and they are very southpark especially the second one called "coon".. high hopes form the 13th season especially after a very disappointing 12th season.

facebook's popularity/sympathy contest

2009-03-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

Pooja is considering going to the gym.

Pooja is tired and can't wait for the weekend.

Pooja thinks that milk was a bad idea.

Pooja hasn't taken a good dump since the surgery.

What exactly are people hoping to accomplish by telling us about every little thing when they update their status? I believe a portion of it comes from seeking sympathy and attention. Another portion is to see how popular you really are by measuring the number and quality of responses. On another level, people may believe that everyone is very interested in what they are doing every 10 minutes. Then you have the gossip types who can't wait to lay everything on you. "Did you see that Pooja can't produce a solid log? I can't wait to get more info to tell all the gossipmongers that I know." And finally, the smallest portion are people jest effing around (I am in this grouping).

How many status changes have you seen that have alluded to some potential horrific or sad event without telling you the whole story? Are people that desperate to find out if their friends truly care about their own personal crap?

sam just got back from the hospital. Oh my God, what happend to sam? In essence, sam hoping for a cadre of people to demand to know just what the heck happened to sam if he's doing ok.

Take your statuses a little more seriously people. Stop telling me that you are hanging out with your kids. We don't care when you get to work or when you are leaving. If you have news, spill it, don't make me have to ask you what happened, because I won't.

Make me laugh or put something interesting up there, just dont tell me about the consistency of your cat's latest puke, b/c I don't give a shit.

disclaimer

2009-03-19T07:19:00.000-07:00

hello once again..its unusual for me to post twice in a day but here i am.. i guess too many things boiling up inside..well this is just a disclaimer that please dun take me wrong and i'm not cranky...phew that took of some load of my chest.. well i guess this has to be the weirdest and the shortest disclaimer ever.. ohh yeah there's another thing i wanna say.. well i'm still the only guy u knew who painted .. sounds a lil sissy ... but hey what the heck..

brain damage

2009-03-19T02:34:00.000-07:00

there's a void.... i dunno how it got created... but it happened with an explosion.. at
least that's what I'm inferring...i feel empty... as empty as a prostitutes soul.nothing
can fill it... i guess that's what the veterans of Vietnam must have felt like...
watching their friends die in their arms and yet moving on clueless, with no idea what
they are fighting for...with an emptiness in their heart and a hole in their soul.
probably that's why they killed more.. it wasn't for the love of country but an

insanity.. a madness, which devoured them..

i wish i had a gun...

i have the required targets..
after all i did not walk alone in the darkness without a "to do" list. i knew it would
come in handy some day.

god is a fucktard.

he has no idea what he is doing ... aah I'm too desperate to blame it on some body..
justifying the existence of god once again i guess.out of options you see.. blaming it
on grown up's imaginary friend .. its weird they dun call this crazy ... but when a kid
does it they think that's abnormal...funny world we live in.
well even vagueness and distractions aren't helping ,,, i think I'll take a walk ...nah .
too many people around... all of them rapists ,murders and thugs, no body is a friend
u cant trust anybody, they'll all lead into being what they are - "mortals". well
think i gotta show them what they are ... hand me a gun people .. and sit back and
enjoy the show.. i command you ....

kamikaze.....

ps- cant help but hum these lines..

All that is now
All that is gone
All thats to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

fever blues

2009-03-17T08:48:00.000-07:00

ahh well folkes.....

this is my last post to you.... ohh woe begone... good bye cruel world... (bear with me folkes ..i got a bad cold and fever... so i'm cranky.. u know..)..i guess last friday ,sat and sunday i interactedtoo much with miss.. jane and Mr. daniels....

no more i say....

this sucks ..

fervent appeal

2009-01-28T19:40:00.000-08:00

well knowing that the condition i'm in aint that great,i mean all this shit bout recession and crap has left me drained out.. so please dun expect me to be helping u out all the time.. i'm not sitting here to bail u guys out all the time..i have my own limitations and especially at a time like this they all have been narrowed a lil bit too much.. Therefore , all questions , comments , concerns , complaints , frustrations , irritations , aggravations , insinuations , allegations , accusations , contemplations , consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

thankyou so much...

dinkar

2009-01-04T06:57:00.000-08:00

just wanted to write this poem... really love it.. was thinking about it today and thought of the motivation and the energy these verse used to give me.. so...

excerpts from poem 'kshama aur daya' (on lord rama's encounter with the ocean) by raamdhari singh 'dinkar'

"teen divas tak panth maangte
raghupati sindhu kinaare
baithe padhte rahe chhand
anunay ke pyaare pyaare
uttar men jab ek naad bhee
uthaa naheen saagar se
uthee adheer dhadhak paurush kee
aag raam ke shar se
sindhu deh dhar traahi traahi
kartaa aa giraa sharan men
...
kshamaa shohtee us bhujang ko
jiske paas garal ho
usko kyaa jo dantheen, vishrahit,
vineet saral ho"

super duper cool

2008-12-30T03:01:00.000-08:00

books read last week

snuff-chuck pahalanuik
rant-chuck pahalanuik
white tiger-arvind adiga
damsel in distress-p.g. wood house(i sitll like it ..so..)
Masters of Deception. -Michelle Slatalla and Joshua
One Hundred Years of Solitude -Gabriel García Márquez
one night at the call centre(okay yeah watever.. its just that i had not read it ..so i thought i'll just read it...)
candida- george bernard shaw

i'm so proud(sob!!!)

telephonic conversation

2008-12-22T00:33:00.000-08:00

just out of boredom -

****tring tring***(hiding the fact that its a cheap ass tone of sajan chale sasural, our hero picks up the call

me:wazzza!!!
v:errr... dude relax... hello how r u?
me:doing good u temme?
v:not good(gloomy voice)(probably sulking too)
me: why? what happened?
v:(lengthy talk ,irrelevant here and as such too)
me:(clearly pissed)u know stop cribbing bout ur life..u know whats shitty is that here i am in bangalore ,working my ass off ,thinking of a brighter future ,knowing that i dun have any, my child hood misconception of saying that everybody can work in a cubicle ecxcept me.. shattering right before me.i'm glued to the computer doing some shit ,havnt sketched in ages and havnt used my hand for that purpose... its all computer shit. i look up after 5 hours and see a swarm of faces doing the same ... i go back to my place and reach at 6 ,office starts at 6 ..that's somethign for me(who hasnt seen a morning for 5 years now..) go to the desolated room and crash on the bed ... get up again the next day and do that thorugh the week in anticipation of the saturday and sunday so that i can sleep through them ... this is my life in a nutshel;l and its not about to change... at least for the next 1 year... so ooo... DYSTOPIA!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

V:(AMUSED)why do i feel this is gonna come on your blog tomorrow...??
me: i'm so predictable!!!

The Six Reasons Greek Gods are Better(well there are more but i cant think of them right now)

2008-12-17T19:54:00.000-08:00

(Preliminary Disclaimer: The author is a near atheist born to muslim parents and was never a Christian or a Greek, although the jury is still out on the God issue)

Everybody knows about the ancient Greeks - one of the first advanced civilizations that emerged in Europe. They are famous for their rich mythology peppered with drama and violence (hey, something had to make up for the lack of TV!), wherein heroes and gods perform incredible tasks that make for awfully entertaining stories.

Then there is the Bible - bland and confusing, written supposedly by God himself. Needless to say, it is about as entertaining as a gothic melodrama written in broken sign language. If it wasn’t already obvious, I am suggesting that the Greek gods are infinitely better than the God of the bible. To prove this point, without further ado, I give you:

The Six Reasons Greek Gods are Better

They would kill you for your sins
The Greek gods are neither good nor evil, merely powerful. To this end, power is their defining quality rather than goodness - and nowhere is this more evident than in the case of Ares killing Halirhothius for violating his daughter.
In comparison, the Judeo-Christian God sent his son to eventually die helplessly for the sins of others.
They reproduce without human help
Why did the all-powerful God of the Bible need the Virgin Mary to reproduce? Because you are not allowed to question his divine plans, that’s why.
On the other hand, Greek gods were far more human and had relationships and offspring among themselves.
The mergods - Jesus vs Hercules

Heracles/Hercules was half-man, half-god - just like his Christian counterpart Jesus. However, he had superhuman strength and performed various tasks of Herculean difficulty. As far as Jesus is concerned, all his miracles were merely performed to persuade witnesses into conversion, and furthermore he was not able to prevent his own embarrassing demise.
They are not “all-powerful”, and hence more plausible

The problem that arises when a human being sets out to write a book under the pseudonym of an omniscient being is that there are a lot of contradictions and unbelievable facets in the story. The Greeks cleverly avoided this by depicting their gods as almost human, just with larger amounts of power and wisdom. There was no omniscience or omnipotence involved, which probably made it easier to convince followers too.
They made creatures like the Centaur and the Minotaur

Compared to…well, nothing from the Bible compares. Need I say more?
They weren’t half as dumb
as the guy who wrote the Bible. At the very least, they knew the Earth was a sphere. Well, not necessarily, but they never said it was flat. Atlas, anyone?

And those, my friends, are the six reasons Greek gods are better. Besides, they star in their own comic books, which means they are much cooler than some dumb old geezer who’s planning to send me to a hell I don’t believe in.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?

2008-12-16T20:11:00.000-08:00

arghhhhhhhhh!!!! already very sick of this job... shouldn have joined..

ahh well "recession"

(sigh!!)

solitude...

2008-12-10T23:54:00.000-08:00

well its wierd ... i dun have anytjing in my room here in bagalore except a "chataiiii" and a lone guitar resting peacefully against the blue wall..

so???? ican read with a speed which surpasses my previous speed.... read 2 books in one night(thick ones)

yeaaaaaaaaahhhhh ...happpy mode initiated..

bangalore yet again

2008-12-04T03:43:00.000-08:00

well reached bangalore today,,, 6 months of drone... again!!!!

How To Gain Status And Intimidate People

2008-11-25T09:08:00.000-08:00

Jeffrey Shaffer and Suzy Blackaby, The Wall Street Journal, Nov 26 1984

Are you losing the race to keep up with the Joneses? Or worse, do you
feel as if it just isn't worth the effort anymore? Don't be discouraged.
Confidence is the key to success in any endeavor, but achieving just the
right balance of competitive desire and cool self-assurance can be tricky.
So is projecting an image that will awe your subordinates and mystify your
rivals. It's especially difficult when your personal budget demands that
you exist on a diet of baked beans and generic cola.
We think we've solved the problem with a list of tips that will get
your confidence level back up to par, at minimum personal expense. Just
remember that moxie can be as important as money when it comes to looking
good.

1. Carry a foreign-language newspaper in your briefcase. When sitting at a
bar, take out the paper and scan the pages with a serious expression.
It's important to pick a difficult language for the gambit, something
other than French, German or Spanish. Those could get you in trouble if
some exchange student calls your bluff.

2. Keep an old telephone in your car under the front seat. When driving,
hold the receiver up to your ear and act as if you were talking to
someone on the other end. If stopped at a busy intersection, roll down
your window so pedestrians can hear the conversation. Then, in a loud,
demanding voice, say things such as, "Tell Harris we need that building!
Tell him to offer 50 million, straight cash, whatever it takes!"

3. Use expensive containers to dispose of household trash. When you visit a
store such as Neiman-Marcus (we buy all of our pencils there) pick up a
couple of extra shopping bags. Several times a month you should fill one
with garbage and place it on the curb with your other household rubbish.
Make sure the name of the store is clearly visible from the street.

4. Wear T-shirts commemorating fantastic events of physical endurance. Most
towns now have these stores where you can print messages on shirts.
Simply order one up with the inscription, "Snow Madness Run, Butte-Great
Falls December 1981." When people ask why they've never heard about such
a grueling race, say, "Oh, we only ran it once, 12 of us got together and
just went for it. Never could get any sane group to sanction it."

5. Mount extra clocks on your office walls. Label each one with the name of
an international capital (Lima, Bonn, Canberra) and check them
periodically when talking with a client.

6. Keep mysterious items in the glove compartment of your car. Instead of
the usual mess of tissues, loose change and old sunglasses, you should
have at least two of the following articles: a slide rule, a map of the
London subway system, an English-Swahili dictionary, a small jar of
litmus paper or a prism. When apassenger discovers the items, shrug and
say something like, "Oh, just some things for this project I'm thinking
about..." and then close the compartment smartly, to show the
conversation is not going any further.

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear Your Dad Say

2008-11-24T02:23:00.000-08:00

know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for
non-chaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours"
attitude.... I like that in a young person!

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!!

6. What do you mean you want to play football? Figure skating not
good enough for you, son?

5. Your mother and I are going away for while. You might want to
consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of
those doo-hickie thingies - you know - that makes it run or something.
Just have it towed to the mechanic's and pay whatever they ask.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an
earring - now quit your belly aching and lets get to the mall.

2. Whaddaya want to go and get a job for? I make plenty of money
for you to spend.

1. Father's Day? Ah - don't worry about that - it's no big deal.

STRESS MANAGEMENT VISUALIZATION...

2008-11-24T01:48:00.000-08:00

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are chirping softly in the crisp, cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows this secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of
serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding
under the water.

There now, feeling better?

a humble tribute from a minion

2008-08-07T01:46:00.000-07:00

Solzhenitsyn, Literary Giant Who Defied Soviets, Dies at 89

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, whose stubborn, lonely and combative literary struggles gained the force of prophecy as he revealed the heavy afflictions of Soviet Communism in some of the most powerful works of the 20th century, died late on Sunday at the age of 89 in Moscow.

weekend roundup ... again.

2008-08-07T01:27:00.000-07:00

an extremely important weekend(the last weekend before college reopens)
okay so decide to have the most fun on this one... ultimatelya super duper cool plan of sleeping throught the day.. nothin could be better than that..no sir
but as fate would have it .. the three women in mylife P_,V_, and K_ come up with a super plan of doing somethin fun(ignorant buffoons..sleepin aint fun for them)so i'm woken up early at around 12 in the after noon.... i end up ordering a hefty meal... ahhh sweet sweet chicken(wierdly i dun remeber having anything for the past one week but chicken.. still)after that the usual games of cards for hours with arbittalks in the middle...... V_'s parents decide to show up so i scram with my woody allen book to sutta point... 2 well spent hours there with allen,helm holtz,freud,picasso ,dali and hemingway..accompanied with countless goldflakes and infinte no. of chai's... i walk back to their place after i know her parents have left....then comes evening and we decide to go for this new play happening at sri ram centre caled kabadi ki machine.. we get down at the wrong place and decide to watch another play called "daulat ki aatma" at kamayani.. well pretty shady play.. with few instances of brilliance.. but none the less it was a better idea than to go for "mummy 3" with R_ and co.we come back to a scroungy meal very gracefully provided by V_'s mom...(damn man she's a great cook)... well the night did bring a lil tragic ending to a perfect day ... suddenly remeberd i had a dead line to meet for one of the free lance project .. so sat and worked on ti through out the night... but still a good weekend befroe the rut of college begins...

finshing touch of a faculty

2008-08-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

well today my stint as a visiting faculty at FDDI got over .. yes i dunno much about illustrations my self and la dee da.. but i did teach them and they did learn... and now they can sketch better than all u mutherfukkers ... snicker.

the students gave me a pretty cool ashtray and a belt... yeah baybeeeee
ahhh i already miss them

signing off

2008-07-16T03:45:00.000-07:00

well adieu bangalore... u have been nice...
but will definately not miss u....
delhi here i come

hard rock cafe

2008-07-14T02:10:00.001-07:00

is simply kick ass.........

XXX

2008-07-08T01:25:00.000-07:00

Ever thought about the mechanics of actually buying a porn movie? (no not downloading it or getting it from a friend ,but buying or renting it..)Doesn’t seem like a big deal right? Let's see...

1)Locate ‘typical’ VCD/music outlet

2)Ask for desired title

3)Pay

4)Get the **** out

But as it turns out, it is akin to asking for a prophylactic at the chemist’s shop in front of a whole gang of your mother’s lady friends. Wipe that smirk off your face, and try saying “Aapke paas ‘garam jawani’ hai kya?south wali?” to the VCD guy, maintaining eye contact all the while, WITHOUT tittering, and you’ll know what I mean. All this amidst classy to moderately decent (supposedly normal) people picking up some other worthless, regular ‘quality stuff’ and it can be a bit of a shock to the poor salesman. If you laugh, or even smile, you run the risk of being ignored as badly as i have been ignoring my work of late.

I was on the prowl for some vintage porn movies along with amirt,and had got my heart broken repeatedly after playing my modified opening gambit. The below question invoked a lesser degree of horror on the salesmen’s faces.

me:"Aapke paas gol chakkar hai kya?”
Shopkeeper: “Haan…hai na!!! Ek minute”

I expected a couple of standard newer VCDs here and there (read fantasy 3,hot girl gone wild yaaawnnnnn…) but he surfaced with three whole stacks of 'gol chakkar' catalogue.HOLY SHIT! Three whole stacks of ONLYporn. Get it? What are the odds of finding such a stash?!
some of the rare ones include 60's and 70's porn.

Through watery eyes and a surge in amrit's systolic and diastolic, he pawed (and re-pawed) stuff which he'd been looking for, for years and years. This guy is TOTALLY into the whole porn movie scene.he even goes to the extent of searching for each porn star on wikipedia and then downloading her top movie..... hard work i say.
anyway ...with our loot we headed home ,amrit at double the speed..and put on the first CD...

"hell wats wrong with the computer..it isnt playing the CD"(hights of optimism i say,or desperation..)

downtrodden but not defeated puts in the other CDturns out to be a soft porn..."good good not bad...HOLY FUCKIN HAIRY 70's shit"

....and then comes the zenith of the movie... the actress kills the actor by hitting him with her massive assets.... damn trippy man....
anyway as you might have inferred, buying a porn movie involves the destroying of the biggest impediment to your self-realization - the ‘Aham-Bhaav’(or ego if you prefer it). People will mock you, spit on you, possibly stone you, but if you stick to your correct path of righteous determination, you WILL find nirvana

PS : well yeah lookin back at my post i might look like a pervert but i'm not ahem*. this has all been done for some good time pass and nothin else....where u dun end up applying ur mind too much but just sit back and watch the action

weekend round up/goa chronicles

2008-07-07T03:10:00.000-07:00

got bitten by a jelly fish in the ocean.. hurts like shit..
followed by a pimp for three days strigh
tstayed in a room with a pool..three days of pure bliss
beach facing room
nearly got caught smokin hash at the beach by the cops
shit load of cheap beer..
endless deserted beach(off season muahahahahha)
awesome food
meeting a faculty from college when u r on hunt for different state od conciousness
a full body massage by the ugliest man on earth
awesome bike trip to the fort ..and the beaches.
.good purchase of junk from the beaches
bob's inn and the countless lazy hours
the hike to the cliff next to the baga beach

and now a hangover

AWESOME-O

party time!!!!

2008-07-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

hell lotta wrok in the office.. copmpleting it as quickly as i can.. evening- off to goa... yeah yipee.. see you guys on monday.

another proof in the evolution theory

2008-07-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

aggasi

gates

vaniya's first

2008-06-30T01:31:00.001-07:00

well i just wanted to do a lil bit of public service.. and so i thought of putting the downtrodden people in the limelight..
so i'm posting one of the artworks of my very good friend vaniya shankar sahai...
done entirely on photoshop
kick ass work maan.....

(p.s. - also putting it on cuz she 's a retard)

looting the system

2008-06-24T01:39:00.000-07:00

well i'm no temur... but i'm an indian...i know how to drill holes in the system and suck it out..madura is gonna pay(heavily) for employing me...aditya birla is gonna toss in his grave for hiring me. muuaahahahahahahah ..this trip is turning utto be kick ass professionaly...i love my self..
P.S.- i know all of u r curious about what i'm talking off... but its classified ... ..just wrote cuz ity was classifed and i had to blurt out something ...evil grin.

POTfolio

2008-06-23T02:16:00.001-07:00

i dunno why i'm putting this on .. but the thing is that i miss college( phewww !!! that was hard ..admitting it..) and this is the only thread i have from college now .. so i'll put it .. this is the cover page of my design portfolio.

currently reading

2008-06-23T02:04:00.000-07:00

indecent exposure- tom sharpe
white teeth-zelda smith(finished)
essence of camphor- nayyar masood
essays by aldous huxley
ramanujan
the grapes of wrath- john steinbaeck

holy fucking shit--" i feeeeeeel gooood... na a a aan aa ... i feel goood "

le musica

2008-06-23T01:36:00.000-07:00

currently listening to :

the allman brothers band
a perfect circle
porcupine tree
chevelle
chuck berry
the impressions
iggy pop
beach boys
led zepplin
cream
the clash
sam cooke
mammas and the pappas

damn i'm mind fucked ...

yesterday

2008-06-19T03:37:00.000-07:00

the good
pecos
beer beer
beer
mexican redwave
recieving my new debit card
finishing "white teeth"-zelda smith
recieving an old journal from pinka

the bad
bade miyan chote miyan.
t shirt graphics for allen solly
blatant talks

the ugly
office(puke)

of helda and (of)fice pornography

2008-06-18T22:57:00.000-07:00

well i'm at my usual drill in office again..sipping coffee regularly ,going for cigarette breaks on and off..,play8ing songs full volume(fade to black playing right now) and blog.but today .. yes dear freinds today.. i have broken all records of official rebel(pun intended). i was so thoroughly bored that i decided to slyly watch porn in office..well it sounds simple but it sure aint.. firstly i sit right behind my boss.. one turn and he catches me drooling of helda /22 from nederland.... but still nerves are nerves... and i did..so now i'm feeling happy about the entire day .. i know u wont believe me.. thats why ladies and germs i'm attaching an exploded picture of helda's nipple..

You are gazing into the pixels of moral decay.

you know you are a bad poet.. you dont need bumper stickers to tell you that

2008-06-16T22:49:00.001-07:00

you know what sickens me ? new age poets... not the likes of keat or something but general poets ..rather wannabe poets around us.. i mean common man,,.... dude ur life isnt fucked up... u just want to feel that way..well i have a lot of those cases in my college...i calssify them in two categories -
1: people who hum jagjit singh and try and learn urdu through songs and write ultra bad poems ,injecting it with few words urdu words and putting up that oh i'm too good for u face,they also sit in one shady corner and write their love struck ghazals.... yuck !!!
2: this class is the one who considers them too yanko for this world... generally the goth kids.. or their sub classes.... noe this class pisses me of more cuz they are all turds... they think that the world is this really ddark and shady place ...they are the tortured aand tormented soul of the earth... but as soon as they are back on their summer break they'' be bloody licking their fingers after having fat cookies at home...'
any way ..writing bad poetry is easy when you disregard meter, pace, and rhyming scheme. Just make sure to follow a few simple guidelines:

1. Never write about anything cheerful. Remember, you are a tortured artist. Be one.

2. Be sure to use the following words at least once per sentence, no fewer than 50 times per poem: lament, loathe, soul, darkness, bitter, agony, despair, misery, anguish, pain, suffer, woe, hate, death, love, sultry, angel, rose, acrid and nihilism. Nihilism is a good one because it comes up all the time in normal conversations.
It's easy, here's a sample to get you started:

fire... burning... agony...
sultry shivers of a dark essence
why am i tortured with this nihilistic existence?
bitter... darkness... despair.

notice the constant lower case? i added that touch to be unique. unique people type in lower case.

"I'm not religious, I'm spiritual."

2008-06-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

Every time I hear anyone call themselves "spiritual," it's just after they mention astrology and just before I land a flying elbow to their ovaries (as anyone who believes in astrology is undoubtedly a woman who needs to be punched in the crotch). Most people who read horoscopes also buy into other new age crap like tarot cards and self-healing. Self healing? Self healing was perfected by Rambo in Rambo: First Blood when he stitched his arm shut after he cracked a kid's back while jumping off a cliff (and the only reason his arm split open was because he's so tough he wanted to make the bad guys think they had a chance, but yeah right.. it was like Rambo sent them all Christmas cards, but instead of cards it was murder). You can't cast spells, and horoscopes can't predict when you'll win thelottery. Get over it.-->The other thing that pisses me off about horoscopes is that some people make financial decisions based off them. Re-read that sentence a few times until the implications set in. Yes, there are mouth-breathers out there who literally believe clumps of rocks and dirt floating around pockets of gas have anything to do with their stocks and lottery winnings.

Ever notice how people ask you what sign you are and always say "I knew it" only after you tell them which one? That's because they're full of shit. It doesn't matter what sign you tell them you are, they'll always say "yeah, you're totally a [fill in asinine symbol], I can tell." No, you can't tell because you're an idiot. I hate it when people ask me what "sign" I am. You want to know what my sign is? Here:

the grass is always greener on the other side!

2008-06-12T05:10:00.000-07:00

The grass is always greener on the other side: If the grass is greener on the other side, then the guy with the greener grass doesn't think your grass is greener now does he, asshole? The message that this proverb is trying to stumble through is that everything always looks more attractive when you don't have it. I'm sure there are millionaires crying themselves to sleep every night because they don't live in a trailer park. Just face it: sometimes nobody envies you. There has to be a bottom and that bottom is probably you.

P.S. -- you know i'm referring to u .. yes you know it

office etiquettes

2008-06-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

two bottles of red wine in.. a pitcher of beer gulped... morning thae hangover makes its presence felt......
8 o clock in the morning ... my office system bursts out "bark at the moon" full throttle... ahhhhhhhh this is life......
feelin sleepy now ... damn the office has just started... will see what can be done about it...
think i'll go to the loo and sleep...

fatefull trip

2008-05-20T08:31:00.000-07:00

in b'lore now and the trip here was smooth. though a slight hitch was there.

the dude next to me was farting his ass off, and it took me an hour in the shower (what a rhyme)

to get the stench off. YECH. i wish the dude had gone through the motions (?) before getting on. its doubly bad when its an A.C. compartment and there's only recycled air going through the compartment for 40 hours...friggin 40 painfull hours . feel pity people ..i deserve it .

i wonder what he'd eaten . smelled suspiciously like my canteen food.

for on its wing was dark alloy, and as it fluttered - fell

an essence - powerfull to destroy,

a soul that knew it well.

woooohpeeee my first job! YTCH

2008-05-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

okay so i finally made a bargain with the prince of darkness. my life is for sale at an hourly rate of $16.75 starting tomorrow, working at this shitty office called "madura garment" .will be eating a plate of stale dosa in the morning, only to go home to a dumpy apartment in this shit hole state of Karnataka that people more successful than you glance at out of their window as they pass over in a private jet on their way home to bang their hot trophy wives.

wish me luck...fuck man i need a cigarrette.

fuck the thought is scary ...gives me the jitterboo ,I'm seriously developing high blood pressure; that's not a joke, by the way. I can literally feel my heart beating in my eye lid.

Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion.

2008-05-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

ladies and germs take it from me, i'm the most authentic source on this subject and woould vouch for everything in this post.. well okay this post is not mine but i came across this while randomly surfing the net. one word -brilliant. get a hang of it man... all you bitches who even remotly ,vaguely fall in any one of the category understand what i had been trying to explain since eternity.... i'm pretty sure some of them must have or will eventually guess that i'm talkin bout them. so here goes

Before I begin, I should warn you that I know dick about fashion. It's not just a clever title to get your attention, though it's admittedly clever (I'm honest enough to admit when something is brilliant, even when it's my own writing).

You shouldn't read this article if you're a woman with low self-esteem. I don't need my inbox filled with emails from teary-eyed women reaffirming how astute my observations are by shrieking at me for ruining their lives.

Women get away with murder in our society, especially when it comes to the visual pollution they call fashion. So I'm going to do what few people—few men—have ever done by criticizing you. Sure, you may be thinking "but Haider, people criticize women's fashion all the time!" Yes, but not men, and definitely not badasses like me.... Until now.

Crocs look like shit and they make your feet smell.

When I see people wearing Crocs, I know immediately that we have nothing in common, and that we could never be friends or have any meaningful kind of relationship. They come in every color imaginable yet look bad with every other article of clothing ever created. The only thing that goes with Crocs is social ostracism.

To their credit though, Crocs serve as an excellent idiot barometer; you can tell a lot about people wearing them. For example, Amazon.com suggest products that other customers have purchased based on the item you're shopping for. Here are the suggestions for Crocs:

When it comes to shoes, there are usually three deciding factors: quality, price, and style. Some shoes are cheap and stylish, but poor quality, while others are stylish and durable, but expensive. Crocs usually go for $30-$60, which doesn't sound like much for a shoe, until you consider that what you're really paying for are melted pellets squirted into a cast-iron mold in some province in China. Crocs have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and ugly. It's quite a feat for one shoe to suck this bad.

People who wear Crocs go on and on about how comfortable they are, and how it's supposedly odor resistant because it's made out of some kind of anti-bacterial foam. Great point, dipshits! You know what else it's resistant to? You getting laid. Then as if the shoes weren't disgusting enough, Crocs introduced a product called "Crocs butter" that's supposed to restore that illustrious injection-molded sheen to those gaping holes they call shoes:

You know that feeling you get when you're full and slightly nauseous and you burp and you can taste the partly digested food in the back of your throat? There isn't a word in the english language to succinctly describe it, but I will hereby refer to it as: croc-butter.

Red lipstick makes you look like a clown:

There are very few people who look good in red lipstick, and those people usually juggle for a living. I once met a girl who was able to pull it off, so I let her buy me dinner. Later that night she was making out with my wang, when I realized that all that lipstick was rubbing off. So I evacuated my moan-maker from her face hole, took some silverware for my trouble, and snuck out of her tent.

Red lipstick looks horrible on most women, and all men. The bright crimson hue is an unnatural abomination pushed upon your face by cynical cosmetic industry scientists. I'm sure somewhere in a laboratory, two scientists are high-fiving each other, laughing at all the bullshit new names for shades of red they invent. There have been literally thousands of names for the same color of lipstick over the years, yet there are only about 3 shades of red: red, dark red, light red. Period. And I mean that grammatically, and not menstrually, though the context makes sense now that I think about it. They just make up names as they go along, and you idiots keep buying the same three shades of red over and over again:

Here are some actual names for shades of red lipstick: berry juicy, candied apple, midnight red, love that red, volcanic red, red velvet, red reinvented, cherry desirable, opulent garnet, royal red, etc, etc. You know they're just making shit up when they start using abstract concepts like "love" and "desirable" in the name. Most of the shades are indiscernible from each other, but women insist that there's a difference. So I went to Revlon's website and took two of these colors for a comparison:

Yes, these are actual Revlon lipstick colors. I'm not making this up.

Insecure women with boring faces lap this shit up because they think "hmmm.. what does my face need? Oh, I know! A giant hokey shade of red that isn't even found in nature."

You are not a Cuban dictator.

Fidel Castro hats were made to be worn by Fidel Castro. Not hipster losers trying to look ironic. Unless you have a beard and you led a coup in 1959 to establish a Marxist socialist state in Cuba, take it the fuck off. It wouldn't even be so bad if you were Cuban, but you're not. You live in a midwestern suburb and you shop at Hollister. Oh yeah, that reminds me of this store I hate called Hollister. It's the greatest cultural fraud perpetrated upon mankind, and it looks like this:

Did you think your Hollister store was unique?

"But Maddox, how did you get a picture of that distinctive looking store from my mall?" Surprised? That's because every Hollister store is exactly the same:

Hollister: uniquely mass produced.

The store is made to look unique when it's not, so what you think you're seeing is a clothing store, but what you're actually seeing is a lie.

Every store has the same fake facade with the same fake plants out front, with the same fake terracotta roof, and every store plays the same pop/punk/emo soundtrack. Everything in this store is engineered to create a fake image, right down to the way the store smells. Think that musky cologne you smell when you walk by the store is an accident? Some marketing dickwad was paid top dollar to make you have an involuntary brand association every time you smell that scent. All so they can sell you a hat popularized by a Cuban dictator for the low low price of $20. Choke it down, dipshits!

Self-aggrandizing "hottie" shirts make you look like a bitch:

There are two types of girls who buy these shirts: 13-year-old junior-high brats, and 29-year-old chicks who are too tan and wear way too much lip gloss, and try desperately to look like they're younger than 29. The real problem here is that women who wear these shirts start to believe their own bullshit after a while. The shirt at the top emblazoned with the phrase "you say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing" epitomises this attitude. Guess what? It is a bad thing. Here is my unabridged definition of bitch:

Noun: Bitch (bich):
A miserable person who sucks all joy and happiness out of life, and makes life a little less worth living by her consistently shitty attitude. When not complaining, her drama and gossip will fill the void. He or she (but usually she) refuses to do something with a group, and will forego hanging out with said group unless they're doing something she wants to do. She will put her interest ahead of others every single time, just for the sake of being a bitch. A bitch hates fun.
"Hey guys, sorry we can't check out that cool new Brazilian restaurant, Janet is being a bitch."
A status you assume when you take one in the pooper while incarcerated.
What you become when you fail at pool, bowling, Quake, english, math, Street Fighter Alpha, etc.
Having a thankless job where you work lots of overtime without pay while your boss is on vacation.
Having to sit in the middle seat between two people in a car or plane.
Being last in line to get cake or ice cream at a party.
Crying and throwing a tantrum about something nobody gives a shit about, including you.
"I'm not going to give you $6 for my share of an $11 pizza when all I owe you is $5.50. I shouldn't have to pay extra, waaaaaah!"
Having a high opinion of your looks and a sense of entitlement when people compliment you. Your ego is usually punctuated with a "hottie" shirt, which makes you slightly less tolerable to be around than children, and slightly more tolerable to be around than a saucer of goat cum.

Nothing screams "bitch" like wearing a shirt that says "too hot to care."

Hello, my head is coming out of a giant vagina.

Yes, everyone thinks it looks like you have a giant vagina around your neck. It sounds hotter on paper than it actually is. I'm sure a man invented this style, because it's damn near impossible to think of a combination of heads and vaginas that isn't rad, but this shirt is proof that even an idea as inherently cool as giant vaginas and heads coming out of them can be made lame.

I came up with a design similar to this shirt when I was in first grade. My friend and I were drawing new Mega Man characters, and I drew a giant vagina, except in the middle was a giant eye so it kind of looked like a cyclops with a meaty head, and I called him VagEYEna Man. I sent it to Capcom, but I'm still waiting to hear back from them:

This makes you look pregnant:

I don't know what this style is called since every retailer comes up with their own "clever" name for it, so I'm just going to call them tit curtains because they look like curtains draped over your tits. You might as well be wearing a burka. It's one giant formless piece of cloth draped around your waist. There's a reason pregnant women wear clothes like this, and it's because it usually looks good on them in lieu of a beekeeper outfit. You're not pregnant, so cut that shit out.

What boggles my mind about tit curtains is that it's becoming trendy, right up there with Castro hats. I don't get it. If I had boobs, the last thing I'd want to do with them is cover them up with curtains, though I'd probably eventually cover them with curtains when I'd exhausted everything else (oil, soap, other boobs, my hands, the lid of a photocopy machine, the mouths of other lesbians, etc). Quit disrespecting your chest hams.

2,381,097 women just got their faces packed with practical fashion advice.

Back to how much I rule...

argggggghhhh!! damn u bangalore

2008-05-20T01:22:00.000-07:00

i miss sally .... i also miss mike.. but most of all i miss my son... my monster..my super duper ultra cool computer... yeah floyd is by default.....

hmmmm yeah i also miss u guys..but sallly...the way she used to wail...damn man she's sexy!

"dread, boredom, alienation, the absurd, freedom, commitment, and nothingness"

2008-04-05T16:41:00.000-07:00

How did I get into the world? Why was I not asked about it and why was I not informed of the rules and regulations but just thrust into the ranks as if I had been bought by a peddling shanghaier of human beings? How did I get involved in this big enterprise called actuality? Why should I be involved? Isn't it a matter of choice? And if I am compelled to be involved, where is the manager—I have something to say about this. Is there no manager? To whom shall I make my complaint?

fuck descarte,fuck avicenna....... jai ho sartre.

UNTITLED

2008-04-01T16:06:00.000-07:00

"you smell like yourself....for the first time",i said in a dreamy voice

"like my self? for the first time? wat do you mean?" she sounded perplexed even though she was half asleep.

"yeah... you smell of head and shoulders!"
"but i have never used head and shoulders before this"

"hmmmm .. i know ... but i used to before i dated you.... especially in the summers!!"

perplexed

2008-03-27T00:43:00.000-07:00

came across this old question i used to ponder over .. this one is by Epicurus...
i dun know how many people i have asked this just to look cool..... so u can say i feel like being a lil cool again ...hence the post:-

is god willing to prevent evil,but not able ? then he is not omnipotent
is he able but not willing? then he is malevolent
is he both able and willing? then whence cometh evil?
is he neither able nor willing ? then why call him god.

finalllllly ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

2008-03-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

finally finally.... words have been given to my evr boiling urges to write something about the goddess of sex.... my dear old friend pamela anderson lee. oh thank god...i cant cant explain how releiving this is ...to get words for the ever swirlinig feeling and thought inside you......

Simplified schematic representation of Pamela Anderson's Pneumatic Theory of Exposure

hahahahahahaha (couldn help it....chuckle!!!)

my life in three frames

2008-03-12T12:24:00.000-07:00

no body could have defined my life in three frames better than scott adams.......

i'm dilbert........(sigh!!!!!.)

patience

2008-01-14T09:17:00.000-08:00

i know i know its been extremely long since i have posted ..i know my ardent fan following has been dying to see my brilliance served on a platter(by mmy fan following i refer to myself and mr. khurana.... probably the only two ppl who go through it )... well dun be sad ppl ...my comp will be back in a few days ... and i will again be rockin.... so have patience

life

2007-10-28T11:06:00.000-07:00

ahhhh,,, sickening boredom...sickening laziness..
yet so sweet....thats the irony

nostalgia

2007-10-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

well okay folks... the article ... ireally dunno wat it is... a prose or a petry... but i'd like to believe its a peem .cuz i've never written a poem and find myself extremely incapable of doing so too....so i dunno i kinda like it..plus watever it is ...it has a lot of my preadolescent days attached to it. i knida wrote it in the night when i was having a very horrible nightmare and got up in sweats..so to calm myself down i started thinking of things that made me feel good and immedialtely a chain of thought happened for a minute span of 10 sec,which i immediately penned down in the order it came. so here goes-

the smell-a lil bitter,a lil sour..
the light ,its 10 o'clock,it filters
through the net,filters you
its beautiful,its light.
its the sound,it moves so fast
slows you down...
its the checks,its the stripes,its the flatness.
its the oil,its the processed fat...
its science reporter.
its the warmth in the chill..
its the stench-it smells so good.
its the affection-its the quilt
the lamp,the books,the fart ,the talk.
its the food,its the flexibity in rigidity.
its the bouncing ball ,
against the wall...
its nostalgia,its life.

i know it requires a lot of editing ,and can be made poetically a lot superior by adding simple words and doing a bit of gramatical gimmicks...yeah i know that... it has been there in my head too...but i want this to go untouched ...no fabrication..no tampering.. just a virgin.

dystpoia!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

i wanted a life in which I could say, as Eric Cartman did, "Screw you guys, I'm going home" ,but not possible with my nemesis NIFT keeenly observing me..... hence ..... an eid in Delhi.

truly dytopic.

i hate u cruel world!! again in the words of the great eric cartman,"Words cannot express how much I truly, truly, hate you guys. "

the funniest porn site ever!!!!!

2007-10-11T04:55:00.000-07:00

well recently browsing through arbit sites..... okay u can have the truth ..porn sites(yes i do watch porn,yes i'm human.....go ahead u stinkin sons of bitches.... u know the truth too u know it pretty well that u do it too..)i happened to come across this site which had real crazy shit.. believe me by crazy shit i dun mean women stuffing veggies up their vaginas nor do i mean some circus stunt...wat i mean is that very unusual porn material.....welll without further ado i would like to give u a glimpse into its content...(i know my blog gets anA certificate instead of a U now..but eh wat the heck!!its worth it)

30 THINGS U LEARN FROM A PORN FLICK

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.
15. If there are two of them they “high five” each other. (and the girl isn’t disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don’t exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.
19. There’s a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses love to suck patient’s cocks.
22. Men always pull out and masturbate at the end.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before joining in and fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches… or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to keep reminding her to “suck it”.
26. Assholes are always clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don’t have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.
Things you learn from Indian porn videos
1. You can have sex with your clothes on!
2. You can cum by just rubbing your body.
3. Sex happens only in South India (especially Kerala) considering the fact that you hardly see any North Indian babe in desi porn flicks.

Can you think of more observations that you may had by seeing desi porn flicks? Please post them in the comments. Let’s see how good you are at this.

gracias!!!!

2007-10-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

thanku alll for ur wonderfull wishes on this auspicious day..
thanku sahai...ur cynicism keeps us going
thanku pachauri...ur stupidity sets the loewst benchmark for us....
we love u all

and for those who did not wish us---------- EAT MY SHORTS!!!

a troubled genius

2007-10-01T15:58:00.000-07:00

The sound of "wish you were here" playing in the backdrop from pinka's comp is such a relief in this fucked up ,shit dirty room(which by the way will go down in history for as a monument for which three stupid women(stupid women!!! cant be!! not possible!! oh... have mercy)are willing to sacrifice there and each others blissfull lives). my hand moves on the key board in the ryhthm and beat of the song...drumming on the stupid keys,my whistling makes up very poorly for the lead and ryhthm guitar of the great 'dave'gilmour.(this one is a bit of a rip-off from the opening lines of 'zen and the art of motorcycly maintenance' by Robert Pirsig).

i sit here ...screwing up my work ,,cuz its so damn borin man... i mean there are other interesting things in life than doing a research on the crafts of 'jhajjar'(for my less aware friends ..its a fucked up place in 'haryana'------- "haryana"..does that ring a bell ..yes u are a winner..u guessed it..a place solely known for agricultre...we like buffoons are trying to find a craft there..and not only find but we are gonna spend our precious lil time documenting stuff done by the last descendents of the abominable snowman...our dear friends "the jats"... hairy ,tall bastards... fuck you sanjeev.. u sonwabitch).. I could have been watching some seriously good B grade pulpy movie and laughin my ass off... could have been standin in the middle of the night in front of my book shelf ,figuring out which book to pick up...i could have been smokin up(alas!!)..just one joint maaaaaaaaaan... i could have atleast been rolling it up(wat fun!!),i could have been getting high ..just a lil.. thats all. a couple of hundred meters ...thats all.a lil nice lil joint.... smoked it up... aaaaaahhh ,aannnnand...we would have had a lift off(go fuck a dog..u horse fucking bastards working in NASA)

any way not to defer from the point and let all my malice take me away to some other land.. i have just been reading blogs... random ones.. and i find wat geniuses... serioulsy man... people of our age ...such wonderfull minds.. having so much fun.... my kinda fun..i mean wat wouldn i give to exchange my place with one of their friends .... dude it would be a kick ass. they look heavenly .as if their college life is godly.(i dun know wat shit they go through.. i'm pretty sure life must be fuckin them as bad as it fucks me up... nah!!! thats an overstatemnt.. igotta keep a check on my feelings!!)

but hold on .....
no no... dude i have fu.........n too...i guess.
am i?

sod off motherfuckers!!!! kiss my ass

by:
haider'asrar'faraz dated: 6th sept 2007

elegy-ministry of sound

2007-10-01T15:52:00.000-07:00

Ah well !!! wo begone… this one is an elegy written in the dingy surroundings of gautam nagar(to the true patriotic gautami{forgive me folks, for that’s wat I have decided to call them…} even the massive ,jammed ,stinkin nala looks like a brook. So we shalt not take there criticism…. And as it is my article are for humans……. Humans{read: not pigs})

I shalt be mentioning a visit to a hell hole where I was dragged recently- a place called “ministry of sound” in the posh locales of vasant kunj. Sounds cool huh??? Well not quite….. well, this place is a fucked up discotheque( say disc…it’ll pep up ur college image of being cooooool)..like the rest of the “discs “ in delhi or for that matter anywhere else in the world(am pretty sure)… but none the less it sounds cool like “ministry of magic”…. its just that the concept of dancing ur ass off on an obscene payment of hard earned cash does not appeal to me.. may be it does to the cool and happening people around.. but not me… I guess I’m not that kewl(sigh!!!).. it just presents this image of a “nachaniya” dancing for money…. Atleast she earns it.. here u give it away.. how stupid…our intelligence has deserted us.

But before I go any further I would like to inform the readers that it was completely against my will and was done as an act of love for my girl and later took turn as an ugly self sacrificing act …wat all will relationships make u do…. Damn I hate my self.
Okay to come back to the topic… first off all I had to wait in line ..rather the herd. To get inside that shit.. amongst people reeking of liquor and sweat.. and shit expensive perfumes(believe me the combination can be used in the gas chambers.. haha hitler u stupid fuck.. could have saved so much of dough and time by using this instead of that stupid poisonous gas u used … it would have been a more painfull death for those fucking jews… oh how I hate them,not that I love nazi either) finally we managed to get through the wannabes .. immediately we were tied and branded with some shit on our wrist ,which reminded me so strongly of a concert for some noble purpose… but it wasn’t anywhere near…
Wat was left?????.... oh yeah the music.. for which I was lured into this deathly trap.. the door opened .. releasing a gush of sick Punjabi music and the foul smell of alcohol …. Kept my cool still.. went in ..looked around.. crazy “surds,horny guys, even hornier gurls welcome me… jumping on one leg….. wat can u say… nothing … just priceless!!! also have it from eye-witnesses that a lot of “aunties” of my poor mom’s age who resembled rikishi in build managed to shake their bumble rears wearing Paragon hawaii chappals.
People whom I have barely met….. people(forgive me for using such a nice ,descent term for them) whom I avoid in college,whom I see and pretend that suddenly the street lamp is one of the most interesting piece of design I have ever witnessed and start lookin and observing it closely. I have to talk to them as if they are my soul partners … as if I’m not talking to them after years but as if i met them ten minutes ago on the way to the loo.
Also interesting to see is the bar area….. I mean doooooooode.. seriously are u that stupid??? No no tell me the truth today…today is world confession day… dun u see …u sit and sip 60-buck Royal stag at 300-bucks a shot at that stupid whore house with equally dumb people…… is there any reason and logic in this world or wa? No no I understand…. Its genetic.. after all ur dad is a stupid fuck too who would be paying some obscene amount of cash on an yearly basis to be able to chase little white balls around nine holes..explains a lot…sure does. So go ahead u have the license to organize a pseudocool get together at a pseudocool place….
Why would I endure all that??? I had too ..thats the only time I can give to my girl. Iwant to give more but my college schedule does not allow it … so if I want to clear these shit 8 semesters I have to do this.
God…I hate this relative grading. Thank you, dear lecturers of ‘Ye Olde NIFT’ for screwing my life.

Gracias!
P.S: Not only, grading. Everything…… also .. I should have taken my book there!! Wat a fool.

{ to be continued…. Too sleepy right now}

By:
Haider ‘asrar ‘faraz
6th sept 07

Don't you be going judging me and all, I'm sure you've done worse before. Yes, I am SURE.

2007-08-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

If there're any women here, I'd like some help with this. You know how losers on orkut (*cough*) are always bugging you to be their friands (sic) and etc etc, and they obviously come off as losers (*double cough*) and so on? I was wondering, is there a decent letter/scrap that WOULD make you consider being friends with them? Here's what I have so far. (Adjust according to context)

Hello.
I'd like to be your friend.
I think you're interesting, kinda nice, and I'm hoping you might like talking with me too. I apologize if this is coming off as creepy, but seriously, what better option would I have?
My name's *** and I'm a/an *** in ***. I was reading your blog/ reading your scraps/ saw you on a friend's blog/scrapbook / saw your photos and you seem really nice, in what little way the internet allows.
So yeah, you seem nice.

I'm just saying hello.

It would work, no?

[DISCLAIMER: No, fuckwads, I do NOT want to make friandship with anybody. I'm just curious.]

You Know You're Getting Older When...

2007-08-22T14:23:00.001-07:00

1) The chicks whom you used to LUST after in college, are all married. And they have kids.

2) You can relate more to Pink Floyd's Time than Metallica's Enter Sandman.

3) You've spent 5 years in a job, with random intermittent bouts of total bitter disillusionment about your chosen field of work, interspersed with random intermittent bouts of total complacent bliss. And you don't know which cycle is about to hit you next.

4) You really don't know whether the guys you used to hang out with in college are 'onsite' or 'offshore'. Because they stop sending you pix after their first couple of trips.

5) Owning a car doesn't seem like a big deal. Really. Each one of your friends now owns one.

6) Kids in your building call you 'uncle' instead of 'bhaiyya'. For those blessed with big foreheads and an overbearing sense of precocious maturity, rookie cabbies and rick drivers do so too. Sometimes.

7) You pass by your former 10/12th 'coaching class' where you tried to cram a year's worth of 'learning' into 2 months, and look at the newest batch of students standing outside. Geeky, unsure, fresh out of school, complete with gawky stances and horrendous clothes. And positively feeling that you were different from them at that stage in your life. You think you were, but chances are that you really weren't.

8) Blowing up 600 bucks on a single dinner sitting (with suitable tissue restorers) doesn't seem THAT big a deal. Till it suddenly dawns on you that it could have lasted you a week back in college.

9) You are now financially capable of footing enormous phone bills every month, but then it dawns on you that there is no one really whom you can call up and yap about incredibly insignificant minutiae in town anymore for hours together. Either because they have other priorities in life, or because they aren't in town.

10) You meet up with school friends, and while generally reminiscing about the good times, somebody says "Do you realize that we've known each other for over 15 years?". And you stop, stare and say "Yes. 15 years." There's this moment of warm, thoughtful silence, and then you pick up from where you left off.

YOU ARE A VICTIM OF THE RULES YOU LIVE BY

2007-08-22T14:14:00.000-07:00

This fucking city. You love it to bits and all it does is take a shit right on your face.
I wanted to come back to rain, to nights on the terrace getting soaked, to walking on the raods with a happy chaos that everyone loves being in.
Looks like I missed the best part of the rains. And worse, everybody's a scowly child.
I wanna leave Delhi to get rid of people, of traffic, and having to constantly question whether I was living in a life of decadence and assbuggery.
Delhi's now come to me. The people, the traffic, the assbuggery, and the decadence just followed suit.
The fucking traffic, I hate it and how it makes me feel. I now scream at people on the roads. My happy-go-lucky personality (heh) is in shambles. In the trash. In storage.
["Get off the road, you waste of sperm!"]
I am not being a happy guy.

Thank God, for now, for guitars and comics and music and friends and women and books and the internet and cigarettes and Cokes and videoGames and movies AboutRealLife. They're forming a thin thread of sanity that I'm scared will unravel all too fast.

Arbitary droppings

2007-08-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

What is it that you do when you do not know what to do? You do something that you can do unthinkingly. In my case, this turns out to be writing. So, I write. Like B B King, I will do it till the time I die, the difference being his ‘thing’ was guitar, mine is a ‘pen’. I do not know of I will save this piece of writing that I am writing right now so it is immaterial whether I fill it with witty one liners or embarrassing personal details. These are questions that will matter only when I come down to the actual process of saving the document. “To save or not to save” will be the moot question.

I am very, very, very disappointed that I couldn’t find back in lucknow all the senti stuff I wrote in fond remembrance of a chick called ……… is lost forever(thought I still havnt lost hope and will continue to search for it)and can never be recovered. I liked the stuff purely for its nostalgic appeal as opposed to any putative current interest in the girl who, incidentally, has become a proper maal notwithstanding her already sky high intellectual pedestal(not that I’m in love of that girl or I ever was,readers please take note). The love poems I wrote (one was inspired by ‘Heart Shaped Box’, the other was original and both of them seem brilliant, especially now, when they are gone for good) were in themselves an unprecedented confession of the fact that this was something more than an ordinary infatuation because writing poems is as hateful to me as sleeping with George Bush is to Arundhati Roy. But what does Arundhati Roy do if George(’s) Bush is an extraordinarily good fuck? And particularly when she can’t have any more of it because of physical impossibility? Well, she sits back and broods over it and says “Those were the days!”. This is exactly what I am doing…… “Those were the poems”, I say.

What rankles me currently is not having the opportunity to have intelligent conversations with non-ugly females. Romance hasn’t completely taken a major backseat and and its not like that a couple of friendly talks every other day is all that the famous Freudian sex drive is now capable of fantasizing about. That is asking much at all. Its not like asking for a morsel of some junta grub when dickheads around you wallow in chicken soup for the dick,cuz I very embarrassingly confess that I might be voted the leader of those dick heads. This enforced pseudo brahmacharya will not necessarily make thinkers out of acompany deprived over-adolescent. Though I claim to have had gained huge amounts of knowledge in the last year, it does not mean that it followed from my enforced incelibacy/contact with the fair sex. But these rantings seem totally arbitrary on re-reading. I’m not even concerned about what I am writing and this exercise seems a total space filler. Before, I slip back into one of my introspective meanderings, I give up this effort and say Tata !

What Does Great Power Entail?

2007-08-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

“In Great Power”, Spiderman’s uncle said “lies great responsibility”. However, a lot of intermediate steps have been skipped in this assertion. The correct statement should have been “In Great Power lies great capacity to affect drastically the situation that will arise out of your decision to conform, or not to conform, or otherwise”. I have discovered that I have great power and I have no desire to conform. However, I do not want to harm either. I want isolation. Isolation that will free me of needless obligations, unnecessary responsibilities and pointless society of hopelessly trivial humans. But am I ready for that? Am I ready to give up on this life to such an extent that I become a self sufficient island that is unaware of the existence of the din of surrounding humanity? Right now, I am not. Right now, despite all my philosophical meanderings and occasional glimpses of what looks like the truth on cursory examination, I am not ready to give up to that extent. What is the use of a semi give up? I still have to grow up, still have to explore the myriad facets that life has to offer, still have to attend floyds concert, still have to grow up to realize that non reciprocation is not the end of the world, still have to learn the inconsequentialities that life has to teach. “Nishkam Karmyog” is the keyword. If I can carry myself forward in this morass of unenlightened humanity till the time I find myself ready to give up on life completely, irreversibly, irrevocably, with this principle as my guiding light as my sole companion, I will consider my object achieved.

salutations!!!!

2007-07-19T03:18:00.000-07:00

well i got this add from vishalpatel.com and truly this chaps sense of humor is uncanny and unmatched... check out the ghari add ..and the words he wrote for it...so with out further ado here goes---

Ghari detergent: First Use It and then Trust! How cool is that? In this age of smooth, "soft-sell" marketing, this ad stands out. It's like they're saying... come on, just give us a try. Just once? If you don't like it, you don't ever have to buy it again. But you will like it. Because it's good. Nudge nudge. Just use it once. Go on... please? Damn, it makes me wanna brush my teeth with it.

FUNDE!!!!!

2007-07-17T13:39:00.000-07:00

How to become a Rocker?

1. Whenever in doubt, start headbanging.
2.Grow your hair, wherever you can.
3. Begin using words like ‘peace man’, ‘chill dude’, ‘mindfuck’, ‘chillax’, ‘super cool’ etc.
4.Cleanliness might be next to godliness but is exactly antithetical to ‘Rockiness’, so stay your natural self.
5. Begin exploration of alternative states of consciousness!
6.Use the F word whenever and wherever you can.
7. Mug the lyrics of popular songs and pretend you deciphered their meaning while you listened to them for the first time.
8. Buy Kurt Cobain T shirts, even if you can’t differentiate Kurt Cobain from Saint Gobain.
9. Start saying Pink Floyd is the greatest band ever though you might be thoroughly disgusted by Ummagumma and the Floydian arbitness in general.
10. look doped out all the time and pretend LSD and weed is your breakfast (it makes good coffee time discussion).

How to become a Lit Don ?

1. Fart sesquipedalian words like ‘sesquipedalian’ in everyday conversation.
2. You should be able to talk about the philosophical implications of ‘A Clockwork Orange’, ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’, ‘The Fountainhead’ etc.
3. Watch movies like ‘Memento’, ‘Mulholland Drive’, ‘Pi’, ‘Requiem for a Dream’ and pretend that not only did you understand them, but liked them too.
4. Pledge undying devotion to directors such as Quentin Tarantino, Darren Aaronofsky, Richard Linklater, Christopher Nolan and David Lynch.
5. Paste pictures of Arundhati Roy, Salman Rushdie etc in your room and rant against the capitalist/corporate control on human lives and imaginations even though you dream of a job in Yahoo/Microsoft.
6. Quote Franz Kafka, Orhan Pamuk, Dostoyevsky, Neil Gaiman, Albert Camus and Solzhenitsyn as much as you can.
7. Read the hindu or national herald or the biz times, before it is torn and used as toilet paper by disgruntled sections of the surrounding junta.
(Caution: This tip is for highly qualified veterans only. Not to be used by underage Lit wannabes!). Have a profound knowledge of Greek and Roman mythology, and use terms that have never been used after 1850
8. Do large amounts of name dropping like ‘Existentialism’, ‘Nihilism’, ‘Post-Modernism’, ‘Post-Colonialism’ etc.
9. Look condescendingly on people who like/idolise Manoj Tiwari ‘Mridul’.
10. Keep high funda books in extremely conspicuous places in your room.
11. look doped out all the time and pretend LSD and weed is your breakfast (ditto as above).

TEMPLE OF THE GOD

2007-05-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

My favourite actor man, no two ways about it!!!! My obsession with this guy started off in true drug addict fashion. Had heard my parents and relatives derisively dismiss his movies in my (lonely) childhood. I was intrigued. What had the man done to deserve such scorn? He was but a movie star right? It couldn't hurt to try his movies at least once right? That was when it all started. The first movie I had seen was Disco Dancer(i guess..i dun remember). After that, I survived on whatever DD used to dish out. I was fascinated by the way he went about things, and the fact that he had a personality like none other. Then one fine post-pubescent day, I found out that I could mimic the guy, on a errr...lonely afternoon. No looking back type of thing since then. Every available Mithun movie was good for consumption, since this was my mimicry 'boni'. Watching these movies is an acquired taste, since they operate in a parallel universe.Some avatars of this legend are as below.
Mithunda - The Emperor Of Entries:
The one stand-out feature in all Mithun movies was his 'entry'. The dialogue writers I guess would sweat it out till a fantastic burst of creativity (most probably alcohol induced) would purge out the required stuff. The baddies would always ask "Kaun hai be tu?!", to be followed by Mithunda ominously spewing any one of the below:
1) Main hoon jurm se nafrat karne waala... gareebon ke liye chiraag tum jaise kutton ke liye jwaala

2) Main gareeb ke chiraag ka jinn hoon

3) Mere seene mein itna lava hai...ki sunoge ko tumhare kaan ke parde jal jaayenge..tumhare haathon se hosh ke kabootar ud jaayenge

4) Mera naam hai Inspector Barkat Ali. Jiske naam ke aage barkat ho...aur ali ka saath ho..uska tu kya bigadega?! Yaaeeee...."
5) Tere naam ka kutta paalu...ladki ko jaane de
6) Tere jaat ka baida maaru...ladki ko jaane de
7) Teri aapdi ki topdi...ladki ko jaane de
8) Tony! Tony Fernandes naam hai apun ka
9) Truck Driver Suraj! Raasta mera baap aur truck meri maa (or some such)
10) Dikhne mein bevda, bhaagne mein ghoda, aur maarne mein hathoda
11) Asli mard, jo tum jaise auraton ko choodiya pehnane aaya hai
12) Main hoon Do Numri, ek se jyaada, teen se kam
The above were enough to send yours truly (along with countless other millions I'm sure) into paroxysms of joy.

Method Man Mithunda:
Mithunda's dilaogues were very character-specific.
For eg, if he was playing a Mechanic in the movie, the threats would be like
"Abbe Kaalia, lagta hai aaj tera carburettor apun ko saaf karna hi padega!!!"
and the friendly banter would be like
"Arre o chhokri, dimaag ke injun pe zor daal, varna zindagi ki gaadi bandh pad jaayegi!!!!"

If he was playing a Bootlegger,"Masterji, tum ne mere thaili dekhi, thaili ke andar ki baatli dekhi, baatli ke andar ki sharaab dekhi, lekin mere andar ki majboori nahi dekhi."

If he was playing a Taxi-Driver,
"Galli Galli badnaam ho gaya,
Mere pyaar ka meter down ho gaya!!"

Method acting much before anyone here had heard of it.
Mithunda - The Romantic:
Some gems from the Great One at his romantic best:
"Abbe aye chhokri, yeh le chaarana...chal
chaarane mein ek pappi de. Chal."

"Abbe ajeeb museebat hai! Saali, aata hai to bolti hai sataata hai, aata nahi to bolti hai pyaar nahi karta!! Mausi, teri beti ko samjha kya?!"

"Abbe o angrez mem ki baachi, yeh tamatar tere gaalon se zyaada lal hai kya?!"

"Abbe o memsaab! Sharaafat se kal waapas ghar chali aana. Nahi to tumhe beech bazaar ghaseette huey le jaaonga. "

"Ittha-pittha-tha-re-vistha!! Ab gayi na bhains paani mein!"

Not your conventional chocolate boy as you can see. Ideal for ladies who like their diamonds in the rough.

Mithunda - The Espouser Of Technology:
I'm not even going to mention the Gunmaster-G9 series here, since it is full of those Bond-type gadgets. Neither am I going to mention codeword encryption algorithms("Unka code bhard hoga 'Zum-Zum'. Haamara code bhard hoga 'Zam-Zam'"). There's just one movie which will say it all. It's called 'Diya Aur Toofan' and it stars God and Madhu.

This movie shows stuff which even Hollywood would never dream of in a million years. A brain transplant. In the present. No futuristic yarn this. Mithun is bumped off by the baddies, and Madhu is his love interest. Poor Madhu loses her sanity when she learns of the sad news. What next? The family neurosurgeon, played by Kader Khan, has a (heh-heh) brain wave. He thoughtfully takes out Mithun's brain, and keeps it in a Oven-Toaster-Griller with a label called 'Deep Freeze' plastered on it. He then studies Madhu's case, and proceeds to replace her brain with Mithun's. Madhu wakes up, remembers the baddies, kills them all. I was half-expecting Madhu to wake up, do a couple of pelvic thrusts and say stuff from points 1-12 mentioned above. A good thing she didn't, otherwise the plot would have been really hard to believe...
One might laugh at the spate of corny releases during the past few years, but what the hell, terrific entertainment value. Most importantly, those movies made sound economic sense. Shot on a meagre budget and within extremely tight schedules, these movies needed very little to be declared as profitable investments. Even if they ran for a week, the parties concerned broke even at the least, and usually made quite a profit. For a guy who has won three National Awards for acting (and a Filmfare Award too for 'Jallad'), I personally feel that his true potential could not be tapped and he got stuck with the "eh! kyaaa re?!" kinda roles. For buried deep within the inanities and the surreal, trippy atmospherics, there are scenes which are proof enough that the man CAN act. Really well.

apologies....time to turn the page

2007-05-06T11:25:00.000-07:00

well sorry people for not writing any further in my post "reflections"..the reason being ....firstly i'm neck deep in work these days...barely have time from the erratic schedule of college ,shifting home, my jury and shit that i do not get ample of time to sit and write,secondly,
the list that i made will be changed because of some recent riffs between a lot of people, and a lot of complaints from the people whom i missed,technically i cannot write bout the entire college so,just chuck it....i shall write it if i start getting a lot of fan mails requesting to complete the post(ahem!!) but for now my mind is flying on the clouds of philosophy and shit...about the problems of the world ,so i want to write a pun on maybe aids,or watever problem the world is facing, or maybe some retrospection ,some nostalgic feeling taking over my ferocious brain. so u watch out for a fairly interesting sarcastic article on ur friendly neighbour hood spiderman.
ohhhhhhhh yes apart from all this i have to also write about something that really means a lot to me,and will just be a drop in the ocean of the amount of respect that i have for this guy(forgive me for using this term for him) ...the one and only.... mithun da ....a.k.a. prabhuji.... the greatest actor that has ever appeared on the silver screen..not just in india but all over the world... he is a phenomenon, a legend. so maybe next time i write ,i'll probably write about prabhu ji... pretty soon,most defionately before my jury.

reflection

2007-04-22T16:53:00.000-07:00

a shallow insight on the people whom i hang out with in delhi or who are close to me here... so here it goes....

MANISH TRIPATHI

Vulnerable to crank calls ,been duped bout a million times in his life in his new “ventures” by his noble and humble “clienteles”… mr. Manish Tripathi is REALLY running low on his sperm count(he was always a suspect for impotency cuz’ of his 24x7 cell phone obsession but inside reports were confirmed by mr. rahul anand{ co- founder NFN ,also sleeps with Manish}apparently jus the look on rahul’s face on fine Monday morning told us all tha Mr. Tripathi has been unsuccessful in making mr. rahul’s Sunday a FUNday ….. that sealed the deal and stamped the certificate of impotency.
Another thing really notable about Mr. Tripathi is that he has funny ways of taking revenge .be it revenge from his biz. Partners or from our land lady or from one of his ex’s boy friend . he does it all with impeccable class and style. Say like the time when our land lady cut a lot of money from our security deposit(believe me the damage we did to her ‘home sweet home’ was irreparable .for god sake we had 8 fuckin termite colonies inside my own room and I did nothing about it for one year and lived in a total symbiotic relationship with em’)…anyways .. he went and sold her shit (and when I say shit believe me…the shittiest) garments which couldn have been sold to a tramp at a 90% discount ,he sold it to her at thrice the actual price and raked in enough money for a weeks vacation in Hawaii.. and while the poor lady was thinking that she was looking like lady D. we were laughing our asses of in our rooms.
And also this time when one of his biz. Partner duped him ,he showed no sign of frustration but one day before the chap was supposed to use his money for an important thing he ran away with his money…….evil??? not really.. its just starting
Oh… and how can I ever forget bout the time he went to settle scores with his ex’s boyfriend. Not finding him there but only finding the girl mr. tripathi totally used the opportunity bestowed to him by god. A good settlement of scores I say…

Oh please forgive my humble mistake,would like to tell all the readers that mr. manish tripathi is my flatmate.(no we do not hold hands and take walks in the park when the weather is really good).but I get to see him only as much as u get to see a delhi boy without a cell phone or a g.k. posh bitch without Gucci glares and streaked hair.. the rare times that I do meet him passes quite quickly I must say. About 50% of the time goes in the explicit ,rare and unquie abuses chosen by mr. Tripathi himself(in person!!)(honestly he the heavy abuse champion of the world since the time he broke his milk teeth , has won the creative gali-championship 3 times in a row and still holds it,he is also the current champion of scratching his crotch in public for the longest time …
P.S.-aint he great….??)
Out of the remaining 50% bout .0000001 % goes in asling about my life..then there are the major and infinitely repeated issues of F.D. 4 sem.
How everybody from c.d. to Rahul to sandy massage his body(notice they are all guys!!!!! Incredible!!!)and how Diana massages his head and makes him tea everyday..u know general shit like that,added with a few incidents regarding K.D. sharma… blah blah blah..then the remaing time goes in talking about Silampur and how u can procure anything at the rates of /kg . and then it’ll be all bout how ti make profits ..
Then readers then…he’ll get a call on his cell…………………………………………………………and u are dead …believe me… it is ur end. He will sweetly ,slowly and brutally murder u by putting his phone on loudspeaker and telling you to listen to the conversation, laughin a very wicked laugh all the while…gives u shivers, while u just sit there out of courtesy like a dumb fuck trying to figure out wat happened ….courtesy pays….and the best part…all these crime against humanity will be summed up in a blanket statement of,”aao haider/launde bahut din ho gaye baat kiye hue.”
Frankly I dun mind it ,infact to some extent enjoy it toocuz he looks happy while talking,that’s more than enoughfor me…I’m no saint ,neither I want to be one,,I’m just fond of him,,he is a nice person at heartand also because he has made me witness one thing that changes the way I perceived things the, way I looked at them just by doing wat he does best…….. one day I walked into his room and there he was..lying on the floor in his skimpy undergarments on a newspaper with his tooth brush stuck in his mouth ,he looked at me lazily and busied himself again with the paper with content.

I’m still trying to recover from the spectacle ,tripathi is still rocking….

will definately write more about tripathiu in future and enlighten all ye readers bout him and the rest of the people..... vaniya ,priyanka(a.k.a-pinka),pachauri,khurana,amrit,suyash babu,mario, bil( a.k.a- billu,or billiam anything works for him),maurya malihabadi ,arun bhai(allan),and brijesj bhai(birju bhaiya, or loui or oxford dandy)

The Gunda Movie Review

2007-04-19T18:21:00.000-07:00

The art of movie making is an inherent dichotomy. Film makers as a rule have to tread a very fine line between the aesthetic and the downright blasphemous, when trying to accurately profile the darker sides of human nature. Every once in a while, there comes a defining moment in cinematic history, which challenges all the established norms of what is allowable, and what is not. Which spits society right in the eye, and is not afraid to do its own thing. This moment then goes on to shock, sway and browbeat people into total submission, and cultivate nothing short of a cult. To which you can proudly belong to, and which confirms that you’ve seen the darkest kind of cinema/film noir hybrid that is capable of being captured on celluloid.
A morbid, searing epic poem called Gunda. (Why poem? For starters, every couple of lines of dialogue rhyme with each other. Every couple.)
This movie is like having a ‘hard’ drink neat for the first time. You know…you tend to rush in, eager to gulp it down, only to find that it chars your senses mercilessly. Everything swims before your dilated eyes, and you find yourself adrift, time and space blurring, till you are one with a universal rhyming continuum. It’s best to watch it 15 minutes at a time, with sufficient time in between to allow your neurons and auditory nerves to recover.
The movie opens with a slew of baddies who introduce themselves one by one, with a lot of ominous panache, so that you know who is who (strong characterization – that integral aspect of story telling).
The villains in this movie (definitely will) make you flinch on more than one occasion, least of all when they introduce themselves thus…
Lambu Atta – “Deta hoon maut ka chaanta”Bulla – “Sab karta hoon khullam khulla”Chutiya – (just so that you know… chutiya as in tuft of hair; also, this character is probably the most evil hermaphrodite portrayed in Bollywood. Ever.) – “Acche acchon ki khadi karta hoon khatiya”Pote – “Jo apne baap ke bhi nahi hote”Ibu Hatela – “Maa meri chudail ki beti, Baap shaitan ka chela, Kyon? Khaayega Kela?”
The story line revolves around how one man fights against the system where “gundagiri and netagiri ek hi baap ke do haraami aulaad hai”, and emerges triumphant in the end. But first up, you are shown that there are no limits to what depths evil can sink (that goes for the celluloid portrayal too).
Lambu Atta starts a bloody gang war by murdering one of Bulla’s henchmen. This triggers a wave of fraternal and sisterly retaliation by either party, which culminates in Lambu’s tragic demise. In his final moment, Lambu pleads for his life, offering to take care of Bulla’s carnal pleasures for life by supplying him whatever he wants, to the extent of promising to act like a prophylactic to save him from AIDS. When death is starkly imminent, he boldly declares that he would rather be castrated than dead. Bulla immediately kills him, shocked at his perversity. I was too.
Next, Bulla’s Brother, Kala Shetty kills a minister, and it’s time for God to make his entry. Prabhuji plays a coolie, and is seen in an airport in the movie, which is a revelation in itself. Weird as this may seem, this scene makes a very powerful case for class empowerment, and is a prophetic indication of how cheap airfares would be in 21st century India. It takes amazing vision, and a deep understanding of aviation economics to be able to portray something that would have been totally ridiculous back then (really… what’s a coolie doing at an airport? This movie came out in the late 90s.) and makes perfect sense now.
Anyways, Prabhuji bitchslaps your senses with“Main hoon jurm se nafrat karne waala, gareebon ke liye chiraag, goondon ke liye jwaala” and helps the cops maketheir arrest.
Bulla then sets about making Prabhuji’s life hell. He has his father(a constable) beaten up, his sister entrapped by deceitfully getting her married off to a provider of carnal services and then getting her advantage taken by Chutiya in his quest to become a red blooded male, and ultimately gets them both killed.
Prabhuji snaps and declares that he will kill them all in 10 days “Ek, do, chaar, chhe, dus. Bus.”
On his way back, he finds Bulla’s bastard kid in a dustbin which had been discarded as “Haseena ka paseena” a couple of frames earlier, when Haseena, his love, had told Bulla some ‘good news’. True to form, Bulla kills her, and jettisons the kid. (He probably didn’t want an impressionable young mind to be party to all his evil.)
Prabhuji heart-rendingly laments “Har kadam par khoon hai, har kadam par paap, paap karne mein yeh insaan, shaitaan ke bhi baap”, and adopts the kid.
Then Prabhuji goes about killing all of Bulla’s men in places as diverse as a graveyard, a surreal brothel with cots hanging from the ceiling, a public urinal, a ministerial cavalcade, to a bedroom.
The final showdown is strongly reminiscent of the big battle scenes in the the Lord Of the Rings epics, with Bulla looking really malevolent as he gets his army to the arena in auto rickshaws. It reminded me of the charge of the dark forces of Sauron, it is every bit as chilling.
Prabhuji restores some semblance of sanity to this world (and thereby to you), by killing Bulla. His parting shot?
“Tera naam hai Bulla. Maut ke baad bhi reh jaayega tera mooh khulla. Yaaeeeessh.”
True. True.
This movie is definitely not for you if all you like are strait laced, gory, bloody action movies and revenge dramas. It really, really pushes the envelope and like I said before, the baser aspects of the human psyche are not easy to capture without being mercilessly brutal. And this movie shines when it does that. It would be a very safe statement to say that you can watch Loha with your mother, when contrasted with this. And that people, is REALLY an understatement.

a tribute to mr. shaw

2007-04-15T17:23:00.000-07:00

So once again I am writing on something that i havnt written and on one of the greatest playright this world has ever known(seems to be a lack of originalness on my part…but to his credit, he has written about a lot of cool stuff ) This one is about bernard shaw and his books or shall i say one play that is my bible. I like to read alot, and I consider myself somewhat decently read, and I like writing myself. I don’t really consider myself a writer, because one has to do it frequently and with purpose to be more than above average, and I only did that while i was sitting back home and not in this sweet college of mine. Plus, I know good writers, and I am WAY too tangential to consdier myself a good writer. I did learn while staying home, that I actually write fairly well, (that is, when I do it frequently and with purpose). Hopefully, this blog will spur me on to continue writing…and reading alot again. Since i have joined nift, I have been a little lax in purposeful reading and I plan on changing that.

So, here we go…

One book that changed my life: man and superman by george bernard shaw. shawchanged the way I looked at things ..the way i percieved things..

ABOUT ME

2007-04-07T07:18:00.000-07:00

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike guitar playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in foolery, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in india.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.I have won bullfights in spain, and cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

i still have to complete my god damn college ...honourably called Nashional institute of fashion technology ,New delhi.

MEIHEM IN CE KLASRUM

2007-04-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

Because we are still bearing some of the scars of our brief skirmish with English, it is natural that we should launch a campaign for a simplified alphabet.

English is in much need of a general overhauling and streamlining. However, our own resistance to any changes requiring a large expenditure of mental effort in the near future would cause us to view with some apprehension the possibility of some day receiving a morning paper in-to us-Greek.

Our own plan would acheive the result in a subtle manner, as it consists merely of an acceleration of the normal processes by which the language is continually modernized

As a catalytic agent, we would suggest that a National Easy Language Week be proclaimed, which the President would inaugurate, outlining some shortcut to concentrate on during the week, and to be adopted during the ensuing year. All school children would be given a holiday, the lost time being the equivalent of that gained by the spelling shortcut. sinse only the hard "c" would be left, it would possible to susbstitute "k" for it, both letters being pronounsed identikally. Imagine how greatly only two years of this prosess would klarify the konfusion in the minds of students. Already we would have eliminated an entire letter from the alphabet. Typewriters and linotypes kould all be built with one less letter and all the manpower and materials previously devoted to making "c's" kould be turned toward raising the national standard of living.

In the fase of so many notable improvements, it is easy to foresee that by 2009 "National Easy Language Week" would be a pronounsed sukses. All skhool tshildren would be looking forward with konsiderable exsitement to the holiday, and in a blaze of national publisity it would be announsed that the double konsonant "ph" no longer existed, and that the sound would henseforth be written "f" in all words. This would make sutsh words as "fonograf" twenty persent shorter in print.

By 2010, publik interest in a fonetik alfabet kan be expekted to have inkreased to the point where a more radikal step forward kan be taken without fear of undue kritisism. We would therefore urge the elimination at that time of all unesesary double leters, whitsh, although quite harmless, have always ben a nuisanse in the language and a desided deterent to akurate speling. Try it yourself in the next letter you write, and se if both writing and reading are not fasilitated.

With so mutsh progres already made, it might be posible in 2011 to delve further into the posibilities of fonetik speling. After due konsideration of the reseption aforded the previous steps, it should be expedient by this time to spel al difthongs fonetikaly. Most students do not realize that the long "i" and "y", as in "time" and "by", are aktauly the difthong "ai", as it is writen in "aisle", and that the long "a" in "fate", is in reality the difthong "ei" as in "rein". Although perhaps not imediately aparent, the saving in time and effort wil be tremendous when we leiter elimineite the sailent "e", as meide posible bai this last tsheinge.

For as is wel known, the horible mes of "e's" apearing in our writen language is kaused prinsipaly bai the present nesesity of indikeiting whether a vowel is long or short. Therefore, in 2012 we kould simply elimineit al sailent "e's", and kontinu to read and wrait merily along as though we wer in an atomik ag of edukation. In ce saim maner, bai meiking eatsh leter hav its own sound and cat sound only, we kould shorten ce languag stil mor. In 2013 we would elimineit ce "y"; cen in 2013 we kould us ce leter to indikeit ce "sh" sound, cerbai klarifaiing words laik yugar and yur, as well as redusing bai wun mor leter al words laik "yut", "yore", and so forc. Cink, cen, of al ce benefits to be geind bai ce distinktion whitsh wil cen be meid between words laik:
ocean - now writen - oyean
machine - now writen - mayin
racial - now writen - reiyial
Al sutsh divers weis of wraiting wun sound would no longer exist, and whenever wun kaim akros a "y" sound he would know exaktli what to wrait.
Kontinuing cis proses, year after year, we would eventuali have a reali sensibl writen languag. By 2050, wi ventyur tu sei, cer wud bi no mor uv ces teribli trublsum difikultis, wic no tu leters usd to indikeit ce seim nois, and laikwis no tu noises riten wic ce seim leter.